Right now I am feeling very stressed. It seems like when it rains it pours.
A good family friend died last night. I don't know how I feel about it.
See he got sick about a year ago, a side effect of a medicaion aggravated a bug he picked up way back when he fought in Vietnam. and ended up in a coma with a brain infection. He never was the same after that. He had dementia and had to be put in a nursing home. (he was only in his 50's) He became a different person and his family lost the father and husband they knew.
He died last night. Now his poor wife has lost him not once but twice. I know in my heart he is in a better place. He isn't in any pain and can now look over his family. I feel pain for what he will miss. He didn't get to see his youngest daughter off to college, his only son get married, or meet any future grandchildren. His wife has become a widower in her 40's.
All this could not of happened to a nicer family, or nicer man. I cried today not only for the loss of this great man, but for all the pain his family feels.
It seems like bad things always happen to good people.
I felt horrible about all this at work tonight. It doesnt; help that I have a manager that lacks compassion. She drives me CRAZY.
She also schedualed me to work the next ten days in a row. I can't do 80 hours straight. I know some people can and do, more power to them, but not me.
She always adds extra projects on me and picks on me. I get in trouble for everything. I always get "talked to" for stupid reasons, Like not opening enough credit cards, or one day I got in trouble because you could see a half an inch of skin between where my shirt and pants met. She tells me I am in dress code violation, when she wears digustingly low cut tops Grrrrrrrrrr. Plus half of the other females my age show off a lot more, you can see their belly buttons somtimes, and they all have never been talked to.
She always makes me do things that are her responsibilitie, and never gives me extra time to do them. I am So fed up. She is so unflexible. I need to leave 15 minutes before she comes in to go to a visitation tommrow amd It is to much for her to come in 15 minutes early.
I am at the end of my rope with her. I am afraid I am not going to be able to keep my mouth shut, and go off and get myself fired.
I went into my office today sat down for my break and just cried for like 15 minutes, because I work my ass off there, always with a smile, and work whenever they ask me too. I stay late whenever they need. I never get a thank you, or any notice that I am doing a good job. They make me feel like shit.
I feel like work is totally affecting me as a person. I am becoming a bad wife. I come home upset, and crabby that I have to go through it all the next day. I am so emotionall and physically exhausted its stupid.
I had a dream last night that I broke my leg and couldnt do to work because the pain was to much. I woke up dissapointed that my leg was fine. I would much rather take physical pain then the emotinal and mental pain of my stupid job.
I am mostly mad at myself, should have gone back to school this fall and bettered myself. I did really well in college. I had a 3.85 GPA and really liked my classes. I totally let myself down by not finishing.
Then I wouldn't be stuck in this BS job, where I feel like I am living up to none of my potential.
Sorry, about all the complaing.... Thanks for listening.